poop

im not doing this anymore

bye

ok so lets clarify…

I guess I miswrote, or you misunderstood. Or I am not to sure. But we are definitely lost in translation somewhere. I am not in love. I never was and I never will be. I am too young, too restless, too undecided. I don’t love, I can’t love. I am dramatic, I know. I am a product of my environment. Just like everyone else I guess.

The girls are drinking beers. Soon they will go out to a bar, and I will go to bed so that I can get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work. Sometimes I don’t know what I am living for. I feel like quitting my job and hitch hiking to California. I am tired of being grown up. I want to crawl up in my bed in my parents house and just lay there. Ramones are playing in the back ground. Sometimes I forget how happy they make me. The ladies talking in the back ground, and I say why do I even care, and I feel a little better. I will quite my job. Not now but in a little bit. Who knows…2 months? Then hitch hike from New York to California. Just thinking of this lifts my spirits a lot.

Dani and Krista cleaned the house today, it looks a lot nicer. I need to thank them again. I got two new pairs of shoes. I am running out of room for them all. I am going to buy a digital camera tomorrow. So I think I will try to post more clothing stuffs on here, since that is what I like to think about. How my clothes and shits reflects my moods, and the way they fit into my life in new York. My friends are so fashionable its ridiculous, they look amazing everyday, and I want to show them off to everyone.

I ordered shoes from Sweden…they should be coming in the mail soon. They are hand made! ooo how I love hand made shoes. And just so all you know, clogs are gonna be the biggest bestest thing this spring. Well they kinda already are but they haven’t had their full run in the spot light because everyone will love the clog sandal for spring!

springtime [ˈsprɪŋˌtaɪm]

n

1. (Earth Sciences / Physical Geography) Also called springtide [ˈsprɪŋˌtaɪd] the season of spring

2. the earliest, usually the most attractive, period of the existence of something

Spring time in the city, and I’m so lonely lonely lonely. I am so excited for spring. Just can’t wait.

im in love

My head feels fuzzy and Im kinda going crazy. Blurred vision brings on headaches.I never wanted to feel this way.

tallest…

ok…ok?

things i like today… or the men who influence me unknowingly

thinking about bukowski and the people he reminds me of

and Bradbury who reminds me of my youth

Salinger, who made me grow up

Tom Robins, turning my brain inside out and then back in again

mummms…the word

Quietly now

I have come to a strange decision.

I will try to dress like a combination of both these ideas from now on.

best things today

and thinking about wearing hardly any clothes…which I haven’t done in it feels like forever.

and also thinking of our first days in our New York apartment…Lightvisionstore photoshoot

Oh..and by the way, I am now the proud owner of the Mono dip dyed leather necklace. No Touchy!

so long farewell…im back again

So…its been a long time. I feel kinda awkward, like two people sleeping together that don’t really know each other that well. Like how I imagine it feels to wake up next to someone, hung over, and your night a blur. And you fight through strange conversation, just to pass enough time till you can bolt to the door, almost puking on yourself as you stumble down foreign steps out into the blindingly cold morning. Life’s like one of the movies, where everything is kinda washed out, acid washed pictures. ughh give it up. Life isn’t ever like a movie. Its a new day, another new month, a new fucking year. Hello 2010, I can barely find it within myself to write your name down correctly. 2001, 210, 010. Its hard, but Im just gonna have to grow up and get used to it. Just like everything else.

Some boys about 25 sit in my work at 10:45 in the morning. They order two Irish car bombs and two New Castles. They borrow my pen and inform me they need some extra napkins because they think its about time they get around to writing their new years resolutions. 20 minutes later, I’m back checking up on them asking what they have come up with.   One looks down, his eyes are kinda glazed over, it looks like he has been drinking to much and not sleeping at all. His napkin is almost blank. The words New Years resolutions are scratched over and over at the top of the sheet. The other speaks up, his has two things on it. One be nicer to his sister, ok, that’s reasonable. The next is not drink so much if your not gonna sleep enough. Ha I laugh and pour him another beer. They think I’m condescending the way I smirk at them. They ask my resolutions, and I can only tell them the truth. I don’t make em cause I know I can’t follow em. Its their turn to laugh at me. But it isss just the truth. I honestly can not follow resolutions, and I feel guilty all the time for trying to set them and then not following through. So here I go again, in the tradition of americans, in the tradition of myself, I am going to set some goals that I know I will not follow.

1. I will believe in my power to will things into exsistence, or in my situation, out of existence.

2. I will keep better contact with my family and friends who I don’t see regularly.

3. I will post at least one thing that I really like that day on my blog, every single day!

4. I will write three short stories on the subject of beings relationships, or at least how I see and feel them, by the beginning of summer.

5. I will find something I can trust.

So here it goes.

Today is Monday the 4th of January 2010. Today I liked these things…

I…I..I..uhhh

I have some excuses, but not many. I have no computer, I work all day, I am lazy. Thats all. I turned 21 last week. I feel very strange about it. I still have my fake ID sitting in my wallet, and I feel like I am going to mistakenly go up to a bar hand them that id, then the bouncer will look at it say “this isnt you!” and I will have to give him my real one and apologize and say, “uhh…sorry?!”

Then he will look at me like I am a freak, and everyone in line behind me will stare and I will just have to turn around and leave because my pinks are to cheek. I mean my cheeks are too pink.

Krista comes home tomorrow after three weeks. Christmas wasnt christmas with out her. I mean it was, because of chelsea, but I needed more family to really feel the holiday. It just wasnt happening for me.

I am over the holidays, the only good thing that came out of christmas ever is zooey deschanel blonde in an elf suit and singing in the shower, and those holiday calendars my sister is obsessed with where you get a chocolate everyday…

whats the deal?

Nylon magazine put out an article with Rosenmuns in it. Brittany Murphy died. Danielle bought a plane ticket for the 7th. Kyle and Kahner Trigg played in the blizzard with us. Yes you heard me right, a Blizzard. Katies going to Rome for Christmas. I turn 21 on the 23rd. My parents are going to Austin for Christmas. Pizza works at my work. I fought the lady at the post office. I can’t believe its Christmas. I don’t think I am ever going to get to go home again. The lady next to me has a Piggly Wiggly bag. The lady on the other side is spitting sunflower seed shells into a napkin. Chelsea and I are obsessed with Top Ramen, turned thai food. I have been doing stuff I guess.

Here are some things to think about…