so long farewell…im back again

So…its been a long time. I feel kinda awkward, like two people sleeping together that don’t really know each other that well. Like how I imagine it feels to wake up next to someone, hung over, and your night a blur. And you fight through strange conversation, just to pass enough time till you can bolt to the door, almost puking on yourself as you stumble down foreign steps out into the blindingly cold morning. Life’s like one of the movies, where everything is kinda washed out, acid washed pictures. ughh give it up. Life isn’t ever like a movie. Its a new day, another new month, a new fucking year. Hello 2010, I can barely find it within myself to write your name down correctly. 2001, 210, 010. Its hard, but Im just gonna have to grow up and get used to it. Just like everything else.

Some boys about 25 sit in my work at 10:45 in the morning. They order two Irish car bombs and two New Castles. They borrow my pen and inform me they need some extra napkins because they think its about time they get around to writing their new years resolutions. 20 minutes later, I’m back checking up on them asking what they have come up with.   One looks down, his eyes are kinda glazed over, it looks like he has been drinking to much and not sleeping at all. His napkin is almost blank. The words New Years resolutions are scratched over and over at the top of the sheet. The other speaks up, his has two things on it. One be nicer to his sister, ok, that’s reasonable. The next is not drink so much if your not gonna sleep enough. Ha I laugh and pour him another beer. They think I’m condescending the way I smirk at them. They ask my resolutions, and I can only tell them the truth. I don’t make em cause I know I can’t follow em. Its their turn to laugh at me. But it isss just the truth. I honestly can not follow resolutions, and I feel guilty all the time for trying to set them and then not following through. So here I go again, in the tradition of americans, in the tradition of myself, I am going to set some goals that I know I will not follow.

1. I will believe in my power to will things into exsistence, or in my situation, out of existence.

2. I will keep better contact with my family and friends who I don’t see regularly.

3. I will post at least one thing that I really like that day on my blog, every single day!

4. I will write three short stories on the subject of beings relationships, or at least how I see and feel them, by the beginning of summer.

5. I will find something I can trust.

So here it goes.

Today is Monday the 4th of January 2010. Today I liked these things…